Problems and crisis

5th day of raya this year, i was tested by a very shocking news that was initially very hard to swallow. I still can recall the date - 12 august 2013. My world actually came crumbling down. Because of a mistake, husband and i actually entered into a financial crisis.

As it is very personal, i will not elaborate it here but the 3 weeks after that was a very painful episode. The only thing that kept me going was my 2 kids. 

Alhamdullilah with Allah's grace, the tormenting episode was settled but it left me into a financial depression at least for the next 2 years. 

My target: to end or should i say settle everything in 24 months. No longer than that. 

Husband and i have spoke and agreed. 24 months is the deadline. No longer than that. 

So till then, it will be hard work and more hard work. Everything will be cut down. No more luxury stuffs. No more travelling, spas, facial, massage, parties for 24 months. I also think i may need to skip my son's first year birthday party :( really felt sorry for him, but we're really tied up.

This episode reveals a lot on our personalities. I was actually much stronger than i thought. Even my husband admitted to that. We also learnt a lot of things - example who we can or cannot trust, who we can turn to etc. This by far, is the biggest challenge in our marriage life.

17th sept 2013 - is the day i officially stopped breastfeeding. This have got very much to do with the tormenting episode. I was stressed, and in turn affected my milk supply. I had mixed feelings on stopping breastfeeding. But i only did it once i know my son can absorb the formula milk 100%. It was a painful decision to stop as i had wanted to breastfeed him for 2 years since i wasn't able to do that with my firstborn. 

However, i decided that this is also for his best, as it wouldn't make sense for me to keep breastfeeding him when my diet has already gone hay-wire. He deserves the best, and for now, it seems that formula milk is the best choice for him.

When i stopped breastfeeding, yes i was disappointed. But at the same time, i actually felt 'free'. Believe it or not. For once i can take any pills i want or i can decide to skip Any meals i want without having to feel guilty that i am not taking good care of myself to produce the best milk for my son.

In fact, i have also started to repay back my fast on the days lost during ramadan this year. Left 1 more day alhamdullilah. I could have finished it by today but i needed to visit the doctor for a ear blocked. I had blocked ear wax on my right ear. :(

Insya allah i will repay the fast by this week, and it will be over.. Yoohooo!!!

Random updates on the kids. Qistina has managed to converse better now. I can strike heartfelt conversations with her, and she'll end up saying 'sayang mummy'.. *tears*

Farrell got sick terribly when he was turning 8 months. He got cough, flu and phlegm so bad he needed to be on the neuboliser. But it came with a surprise. He was able to sit by himself, bring himself up and started walking by holding things all at 1-go! 

He is now trying to stand independently, but still not successful. For all you know, he may start walking earlier than his sister who walked at 1 year 19 days. 

Right now, i am only praying for the best for my family. May Allah eases our pain and smoothen our journey this coming 24 months, insya allah. Amin.