When the husband starts work...

As you would have known by now, I am a new mummy since 11 Jan 2011. That makes my baby 12 days old today.

When I was pregnant, I felt really independent and was able to do/go almost everything and everywhere by myself. It was only when I got heavier in the pregnancy term that I began to feel a bit helpless, and was not allowed to go anywhere else alone (except to work) without the husband accompanying me.

But ever since Qistina arrived, I had been very dependent on my husband.

I had a so-called last minute C-section. This is due to the fact that about a week before the op, my gynae told me that baby's umbilical cord was below her head and that she is a big baby compared to my size.

All these months, I had been mentally prepared for a normal delivery. I had booked an exclusive single-bedded room at the hospital, already had in mind to have the husband stay overnight with me at the hospital and planned to breastfeed my baby since Day 1.

But when the doctor confirmed during my final check-up that normal birth is not an option for me, I had my hormones and emotions running wild. Further with the fact that most people said that I would have a difficult time to recuperate after the surgery etc...

Looking at the price of a C-section at that hospital, I had no choice but to downgrade to a 4-bedder. The cash amount is 3 times more of the single bedder than compared to a 4 bedder. Husband couldnt stay with me thruout the nights and I wasnt even able to breasfeed my baby until day 3 due to the fact that I had drips and painkillers on me and I had difficulty sitting up straight due to the wound.

Worse still, I wasnt happy at all that I was not able to breastfeed her since day 1. As a result, she was introduced to formula milk first, and that is a fact that I still find it hard to accept till now. So as you may have guessed, she is still on formula now...

Once I was discharged, the task of looking after the baby was shared between husband and I. We took turns to nurse her, and I tried to breastfeed her as much as I can. Initially it was ok, her latch was good and she seems to be sucking, but it doesnt seemed enough. No matter how I struggled to keep her latch on to my breast, the more she struggled to let go after some time especially if there's no more milk coming out.

I really wanted to breastfeed her with what I have, so the end result, I asked my husband to get me a breast pump. Since both mummy and baby have a terrible awkwardness during breastfeeding times, I decided to pump what I have and give her through bottle. I gave what I have, and it works. She drinks the breastmilk, and after a while, I still supplement her with formula to satisfy her huge appetite (did I mention that my baby is big?) :)

A few days back, I was on a terrible emotional hunch. Deep inside me, I was nervous and scared and anxious to nurse the baby alone without the husband as he will be starting work today. When the husband starts work, it will mean that I am with the baby almost 24/7. Can I cope? What about my breast pumping routine? The washing of bottles etc? I was a bit devastated and began crying the whole day the other day. Every little thing triggered my tears. And my husband noticed that. I thought I was going on a depression. I felt so unsure about everything.

We went out for a while after my review with the gynae on my stitch, and we talked about it. I told him what and how I felt, and was moved by his encouragement and support. After that conversation and a breeze of fresh air outside, I immediately felt much better.

So people, it is already 7pm now, and there's about 3 more hours for my husband to come home. Yup, I think I survived my first day w/o the husband at home, and am confident that things will get better. About my concern on breastfeeding, I have decided to try some traditional ways to increase my breastmilk supply alongside with pumping more, if I have time and the energy. I will persevere to give whatever supply I have (as I read that even any amounts of breastmilk is good for the baby) for the baby especially during this confinement period.

If I can't, husband had told me it's ok, and that I shouldnt be too stressed up about it. At least I tried. As I quote him,

Him: Yes, we read and realised that breastmilk is good, but both of us werent fed with breastmilk and alhamdullilah, we did just fine in life and health. So insyallah, the baby will be fine too... No use stressing over this issue, there will be more to come in the future. And if it does makes you feel better, let's pray and hope that our second child can be delivered normal and that we can proceed as we had planned earlier....

After much thought, he is right. I should spend happy times with my newborn rather than stressing over something that I had tried my best in but still beyond my control.

I hope I am right. If you have any views to share on what I wrote, do send me a private message over fb or sms or email at babyangel1819@gmail.com

Thanks!