It has been 9 days since I delivered another member of the family. And 6 days of recuperating at home.
Qistina has been a very good and "hardworking" big sister. Whenever her brother cries, she will be the first to arrive to "give" him water. When she's watching a tv show that is funny, she will nudge on her little brother's arms to ask him to watch. And whenever my mum bathe her brother, she will be at his cot passing his pampers.
All is fine until she sees me carrying her brother. Whenever I carry her brother or feed, she will show this ugly side of her. Become cranky over every little things, shouting, crying, throwing things, suddenly wanting to try and hit her brother.. All because she wanted my attention.
There was once when her bro woke up at night crying, and she wakes up too..seeing her bro on one of my thighs, she sat on the other thigh... Geeshh, and its making me stressed out!
Basically I only manage to show my affection to my son during night feelings or when Qistina is at school. When she's at home, my whole attention is to be at her. I really pitied my son.
Yesterday, my mum was feeding Farrell. He was still sucking but he fall asleep. Then my dad came back from work hungry. Guess what happened?
My mum put Farrell back to his cot, and said, "we'll continue later"...
Goodness, my heart was screaming but I could only watch. If i had decided to hold him, then my girl will throw tantrum, which to me is already a bit annoying.
I actually scolded her yesterday over her behavior. I was so angry and annoyed that I actually have to show "favorism" when I am actually NOT!
I understand that having a little sibling is something new to her and needs time to adapt. I don't blame her. Sometimes I blame myself.. Is it because I am not good at family planning, hence this situation comes about?
Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to Allah for giving me a pair of children within 3 years of marriage. I know some people who has been married for longer periods and have still not gotten their own children yet. Seeing this situations made me realized how lucky I am. Alhamdullilah..
Truth be told, I was devastated yesterday. I kept crying at night. Husband could only pacify when I shared with him my feelings. Because he too have no answer to my queries.
While surfing Facebook yesterday, I saw someone wrote this..
"When Allah brings you to it, he WILL bring you through it. Have faith."
That's all I can do right now, I believe Allah gave me another child, and it is for my best. As such, I will learn to cope and strive to make things better, in Sha Allah.
If there are any mummies out there, who had been in the same situation and would like to share your experience, please please email me at lia_1819@yahoo.com
Till next time, xoxo...
