Unhappiness

Dear Diary,

I have no idea what the hell is wrong with everyone around me.

The hottest issue: Work and Marriage

Apparently this two things have been bothering my mum and Mr. HHH so much.
They claimed I am taking the job search easy after I told them that I MAYBE going for another short graduation trip with some of my friends who also have graduated.

My mum has officially quit her job about 2 weeks ago and she now pesters me to find a job soon to help support the family. When she heard that we were planning for another holiday, she started asking whether I'm serious about finding work and keep going on and on about my "responsibility" as the eldest.

Apparently she have very high expectations and have already made an unseen list of things she wants me to do once I got my pay. All these while, I have been taking in all the sarcastic remarks silently, thinking oh well, she's my mum.

On the other side of the story, I also got lectures from Mr. HHH about finding jobs, and a bigger issue - marriage.

It's not as though Im just sitting back relaxing. Whenever I can, I did try to find jobs but is it my fault if I still haven't got back replies? What can I do?

Things got so strained that we fought a couple of days back. I was stressed and frustrated. I do not want to hear naggings; I'm no longer a child.

Of course I do understand my own responsibilities, and am working towards it.
I need moral support, not sarcastic remarks telling me how much of their money I have spent on going to my holidays etc....

Kisah ungkit mengungkit ni sumer seriously buat aku kecewa, bingit, rimas & lemas...

Just when things between Mr. HHH & I begin to smoothen down, my mum is now making attitudes at me RIGHT NOW.

Met Mr. HHH yesterday, got back late and she got mad. I dont know whether she's mad becuase I didn't tell her I went JB, or whether she's mad becuase I came home late when I said Im going out a while.

I seriously dont understand her rationale of getting mad.
This morning when I wanna salam her before making my way to tuition, dia jeling aku!
She didnt respond when I talk to her.

If she is a friend, I swear I would be saying, "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM?!!!"

Her attitude bacame stranger after she quit her job..

I really have no idea why things are really uptight between us right now.

2 more days to my birthday but I foresee misery.

I really feel like burying myself in a deep hole and dissappear...
No one seems to understand me anymore. Not even him whom I've known for 8 years.

I'm moving towards a new beginning of my life, and seriously I'm not ready for it.... :(

Signing off,
Angel in Despair
*sobs*